Confidence is truly a fake it 'til you make it trait. Some people have it naturally and some don't. If you want to gain more confidence then listen up.
Rules:
you MUST put the work in
you have to repeat these DAILY
don't expect instant results, everyone is different
1) The Alter Ego
So, the first trick is to create a persona. You can write it down, have it in your head or type it up on your device. Your persona is going to be an exaggerated version of everything you admire [related to confidence].
For example, mine was a southern, [UK] well spoken, strong woman who didn't apologise often, swore a lot, was kind of rude and people called her cold/ emotionless.
Now this isn't exactly what I wanted to be [as I am one of the most emotional people you will meet] however, embodying someone who is confident and different to yourself separates you from your insecurities.
When I was going though a less confident period in my life, I embodied various characters, I was studying musical theatre at college so I kind of got into the habit of pretending to be people who were very different from myself. I found that the more different to yourself you make your character, the less likely you are to fall into your own habits.
Daily Task 1: When you wake up, write about 300 words in a notebook or on your phone about how you [as your alter ego] is going to approach the day. Got a meeting? Write how you're going to make yourself heard this time. Going to a party? Talk about the gorgeous outfit you're going to wear and how GREAT you look.
2) The Success List
Something that can often make us feel a little less confident is not having pride in our lives. Everyone seems to have something or other to brag about, which might leave you feeling like you are less successful or have less than others do.
This isn't always the case, often bragging comes from insecurity so take what others say with a pinch of salt.
My clients often use this one as they find it easier to remember to do activities during the evening, and usually forget in the mornings.
Daily task 2: Create a list, right before you go to bed of all of the things you have achieved today. They can be as big or as little as you like. Write as much as you can think of. Number them if you want. Now you can see just how much you have actually achieved. They don't have to be crazy goals. Even if it's like 'done the ironing' or 'brushed teeth' anything and everything. Then congratulate yourself for each thing. You're amazing! Despite not wanting to get out of bed you did it! I am incredibly proud of you and you should be proud of yourself.
Bonus: write all of this in your alter ego's POV.
3) Relabelling
Recognising and relabelling is a good way of getting a handle on our emotions. So if you are feeling low in confidence it's a good idea to relabel what you are feeling in the moment.
It is helpful to look up synonyms for various emotions that you feel throughout the day so that you can optimise the relabelling strategy.
Daily task 3: This is more of a free task because it's all based around what you're feeling and what the triggers are. When you feel low in confidence follow these steps:
pause
roll your shoulders back
let your arms hang loose by your sides
turn your palms out to face forwards
take a deep breath in and out
lift your head up high
Then you can think more clearly. This usually makes a lot of people feel more confident and empowered quite quickly but if you still need more this is where the labelling comes in. First, recognise the emotion you feel [eg. performance anxiety] then rename it something relevant [eg. excitement - anxiety and excitement give off similar neurological reactions and so this is a good replacement]. In your new open minded and empowered state of confidence, just allow this realisation to flow through you. You don't feel angry, you feel motivated to make a change. You don't feel jealous, you feel love and care for your partner. This is definitely hard the first few times [even harder if you don't complete your mindfulness activity beforehand] but I promise it works.
Now go forth [use the FREE planner I provided you with a few days ago] and grow your confidence. You got this girl!
Comments