'We all make mistakes' - a common mantra told to us throughout our entire lives. It is true, we do all make mistakes. The problem is, we don't like making mistakes. Of course you're probably thinking that's obvious, why would anyone want to make a mistake? I'll tell you why... Growth.
One of the best ways we can learn in to do things wrong!
I am a very hands on kind of learner, so as long as I know no one is going to get hurt in the process I'll launch myself into whatever it is and find my feet eventually. I wan't always like this though. I used to do careful research and overthink everything, go over interactions in my head and how I could've said this or that, never actually learning from it.
People say 'everyone makes mistakes' but they don't really believe it. They think in the moment of the mistake, the regret that they are the only person in the world who has ever made a mistake and now they're being judged for it. That simply isn't the case [and if someone is judging you for making a mistake then that's their problem not yours].
When you make a mistake you have to own it, feel it, recognise it for what it is... a mistake.
A large culture surrounding mistakes is guilt. People feel guilty for making an irreversible mistake, which is understandable, but if you:
a. didn't know
b. didn't do it with malicious intent and
c. have apologised
Well, there's nothing left for you to feel guilty about.
Guilt in that sense often stems from people believing their mistake wasn't a mistake, but an action. An action or a choice that they made which has led to a negative outcome. Again, this isn't true.
Just like a typo, it's a mistake.
Once you adopt a more accepting outlook on mistakes, you can reduce guilt and anxiety associated with making mistakes. I am going to provide you with a simple exercise to complete when you make a mistake. This is good to get into the habit of doing with smaller mistakes like not washing a dish properly or forgetting your umbrella. Once the questions become more automatic in response to making a mistake then move onto the larger stuff.
Grab a pen and answer the following questions:
Q: What did you learn from making a mistake?
Q: Did you know this before making the mistake?
Q: Were you trying your best with the resources you had?
Q: What happened as a result of the mistake?
Q: Did you resolve any issues which arose as a result of the mistake?
Q: If not, did you try your best to resolve the issues which arose as a result of the mistake?
Q: Would you forgive someone else if they made that mistake?
Q: Will you forgive yourself? *
Q: How have I benefited from this exercise?
Notice how the first thing we talk about here is what we gained. This is kind of like a feedback sandwich. We discuss the positive things first, then talk about the mistake and the effects, then onto forgiveness and more positives.
*If you answered no, I invite you to ask yourself why and write a little more about that. Then create an action plan on the steps you can take to learn to forgive yourself and accept your mistake.
This can be a very difficult exercise to do for larger issues/issues with more serious consequences, so please try and make this a habit!
This is now one of my favourite ways of learning, I can keep note of new things I've learned and I'm more likely to remember them because they've had an impact.
You got this!
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